Patently Absurd RPG Ideas

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
tyrantisterror
prokopetz

Not posting this as a reblog because I don't want to screw with somebody else's notes, but the whole "theological implications of Tolkien's orcs" business has some interesting history behind it.

In brief, a big part of why the Lord of the Rings Extended Universe™ is so cagey about what orcs are and where they come from is that later in his life, Tolkien came to believe that orcs as he'd depicted them were problematic – albeit not because of, you know, all the grotesque racial caricature.

Rather, he'd come to the conclusion that the idea of an inherently evil sapient species – a species that's incapable of seeking salvation – was incompatible with Christian ethics. Basically, it's one of those "used the wrong formula and got the right answer" situations.

In his notes and letters, Tolkien played around with several potential solutions to this problem. (Though contrary to the assertions of certain self-proclaimed Tolkien scholars, there's no evidence that he ever seriously planned to re-write his previous works to incorporate these ideas.) In one proposal, orcs are incarnated demons, and "killing" them simply returns them to their naturally immaterial state; in another, orcs are a sort of fleshy automaton remotely operated by the will of Sauron, essentially anticipating the idea of drone warfare.

Of course, this is all just historical trivia; any criticism of The Lord of the Rings must be directed at the books that were actually published, not the books we imagine might have been published if Tolkien had spent a few more years thinking through the implications of what he was writing. However, the direction of his thoughts on the matter is striking for two reasons:

  1. Tolkien's orc conundrum is very nearly word for the word the problem that many contemporary fantasy authors are grappling with fifty years later. They want epic battles with morally clean heroes, and they're running up against exactly the same difficulty that Tolkien himself did – i.e., that describing a human-like species who are ontologically okay to kill is an impossible task.
  2. After all the work he put into solving this impossible problem, one of Tolkien's proposals was literally just "what if they're not really killing the orcs, they're just sending them to the Shadow Realm?"
patentlyabsurdrpgideas

There is only one “good” (for a very generous definition of the word “good”) thing about knowing the origin of orcs in Tolkien’s mind as a racial caricature.

What is that you ask?

Well, if orcs are just ugly east Asian people, this means that orcs are the trope-naming ugly bastards of ugly bastard genre of hentai, and this fact is great for dealing everyone who learns it massive psychic damage!

tolkien JRR Tolkien and now you're scarred for life i cannot unlearn this and now neither can you orcs lord of the rings silmarillion roll 5d20 to determine psychic damage that is not a typo
headspace-hotel
headspace-hotel

An attempt at summarizing the controversies that embroil mycorrhizal network research:

  • a bunch of scientists are miffed at how the media has taken "plants communicate and distribute nutrients through the mycorrhizal network" and run with it, finding the "mother tree" thing too anthropomorphizing and too presumptive about something very poorly understood
  • unfortunately all of the major models for understanding the mycorrhizal network are anthropomorphizing, even the more competition-centered ones...to the point that papers discuss whether the network is a "capitalist" or a "socialist" system
  • other researchers, screaming STOP USING LOADED TERMS THAT PROMOTE AN ANTHROPOCENTRIC INTERPRETATION
  • But, setting aside the question of whether trees can "intentionally" do something or be altruistic...how do we know the plant is the one in control? Are the trees "sending" nutrients or is the fungus taking the nutrients and sending them to other trees? Wait, how do we assign agency in a system like this at all? Isn't it unscientific to assume that any part of the system, fungus or plant, is consciously acting? Wait...are they actually separate organisms with their own interests, or is it more accurate to view all the members of a mycorrhizal network as one big super-organism? (Wait, is it anthropomorphizing to consider organisms as having interests? If yes, how do we describe what's happening using language?)
  • Basically, yes we have demonstrated and established that nutrients move from one plant to another plant in the mycorrhizal network, including from fully grown trees to saplings, plants in sunlight to shaded plants, and other things that are definitely fun to interpret as one plant "helping" the weaker plant. However, we don't actually know the intentions of plants, so for all we know, the fungus could be doing everything. Or it could be completely stupid to describe any of it as "one individual organism in the network Intentionally Does A Thing."
  • Big Problem: Although a shit ton of research is being done, most research in the mycorrhizal network is done on very simple networks of 1 or 2 plant species with a handful of selected fungal inoculants in otherwise sterile laboratory settings. These conditions do not reflect the natural world at all.
  • in fact, experimental conditions used to study mycorrhizal networks are mostly completely unlike anything that would ever exist...you know, Outside,
  • most of the research pertains to agriculture and there are many demonstrated benefits, and many farmers are ALREADY using methods to promote mycorrhizal networks, but my guess is that it's not as simple as matching crops up to fungal inoculants that help them for instant 20% yield increase, at least in Real Outdoor Soil with an existing microbiome and seed bank.
  • Roughly speaking, 50% of mycorrhizal associations benefit seedling establishment, and the remaining 50% are themselves split halfway between "no effect" and "negative effect." Doesn't this mean that the mycorrhizal network is not always chill and altruistic?
  • Well, those findings might mean absolutely nothing either way, since in a field-setting plant community, there are dozens if not hundreds of fungi species (the diversity and number of specialists increases in later-successional communities) that are part of the mycorrhizal network, and through them any given seedling might be linked to a thousand different plants.
  • Some researchers find it puzzling how so many mycorrhizal partnerships seem to have no effect. Maybe the effect only comes online in certain conditions?
  • Parasitism, mutualism and commensalism aren't fixed types of relationship, and two partners in the mycorrhizal network can and do switch between the three constantly. This is another problem: the experiments don't usually follow both partners in a plant-fungal pairing to the end of their natural lives, and it's been shown that a fungus can be mutualistic early in a plant's life and later on become more parasitic (for example). Or that a fungus can be beneficial in poor soil conditions and become parasitic in rich soil conditions.
  • But...is this really best understood as a situational switch between types of symbiosis, or can we judge it by the net effect on both partners throughout their life spans, or...my brain is breaking
  • Like, a fungus that mostly decreases the fitness of the host plant, BUT becomes very helpful in the presence of extreme drought...is it a parasite or mutualistic partner?
  • Some researchers lean toward a source-sink model where nutrients tend to flow toward plants that are most lacking and away from plants with most abundance. This is a rough approximation of something ridiculously complicated
  • Plants can and do select fungal partners to pair with and reject fungi that contribute fewer benefits.
  • Fungi also appear capable of selectively distributing resources based on the fitness of the host, or at least they did this one experiment where the fungus was connected to two different trees and researchers ripped all the leaves off one of the trees. This caused the fungus to divert its nutrient flow to the undamaged tree (throwing in its lot with the tree most likely to survive). However, we're not sure if this would happen in a forest or other natural plant community, since in the lab, the fungus was totally dependent on the two trees for survival and there were no other participants in the network. So basically, it's kinda like those behavior studies on captive wolves?
science Scienceblr science side of tumblr sciblr scientific literacy truth is stranger than fiction
coughloop
coughloop

imagine a baby elephant chasing you through the jungle firing bullets at you out of its trunk that it sucked up earlier out of an AR-15 it mauled

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

Bestiary: Artillephant

It sucks up objects with its trunk and then it shoots them at you with lethal force. These can be bullets, arrows, fruit, seeds, dropped melee weapons, rocks, you name it. You want numbers? Figure them out yourself I’m not going anywhere near that thing!

The artillephant has a related species known as the elepharsenal, which looks similar but the projectiles come from the other end.

Bestiary worldbuilding random encounter
bunjywunjy
inber

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BLAAARGH!! PUT THE COALS WITHIN MY MOUTH! ROAST YOUR FOOLISH MARSHED MALLOWS!! COLLECT THE ASHES FROM MY ASS TRAY and dispose of them responsibly, especially if they are still warm, fires are no joke. Uh. BLAARGH!!

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

Pictured: when the mimic is having a bad day and just can’t be bothered to try anymore. Maybe pretend you’re fooled to cheer them up, they probably need it.

Bestiary random encounter ttrpg funny
a-book-of-creatures

Anonymous asked:

There's a popular post I lost and I was wondering if you'd seen it? It was like Masterpost of Lesser Known Mythical Beings from Folklores Around the World A.K.A. I'm so Friggen Sick of the Same Old European Monsters. Maybe I saw it on yours? There's an image I lost of a lovecraftian polychaete sandworm thingy terrorizing an island that came from an obscure culture legend that's probably from the same post although the post didn't have pics but maybe links. Anything I got ringing your bells here?

thecreaturecodex

Polychaete sandworm doesn't sound familiar. Could it be confusion with the nakshatra meenu?

I can see how a memory could go from "army of killer brittle stars" to "army of killer polychaetes", especially when thinking of spinier species.

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

Killer brittle star army is still one of my favorite ideas that I’ve never seen in my (admittedly brief) ttrpg experience.

nakshatra meenu worldbuilding Indian mythology Bestiary random encounter ttrpg
bogleech
bogleech

Somehow the first standalone biology article I've put up on my site in many years (others were part of article "series")

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A laboul is this funny little segmented parasite that's always female, drinks insect blood through that little orange "head," mates with a small male she clones from herself, and launches babies cannon-like onto the exoskeletons of other insects.

But she's not even an animal!

bogleech

I explain this in more detail at the end of the article but this also causes a “reverse” zombie outbreak, in that at least one species affects its hosts in such a way that they’re much less likely to fight each other. There generally aren’t parasites that spread by encouraging violence; it’s much easier to spread through peaceful socializing, and the less violence, the more hosts to go around! :)

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

Today’s “what if I put that in a campaign” bestiary idea is the reverse zombie outbreak parasite - it makes everybody more peaceful and more social in the name of spreading more easily.

laboul animals ttrpg truth is stranger than fiction science Bestiary worldbuilding
virovac
sixteenseveredhands

Lamarckdromia beagle: these crabs wear living sea sponges as protective "hats;" after selecting a sponge, the crab trims it, drapes the tailored sponge across its carapace, and then carries it around

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Last year, a newly-classified species (referred to as Lamarckdromia beagle) was discovered off the coast of Western Australia. Like all other members of the genus Lamarckdromia, this species is part of the Dromiidae family, which contains many different types of crabs that are known to use living sea sponges and ascidians to protect themselves from predators. These crabs are often collectively referred to as "sponge crabs."

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Lamarckdromia beagle: this new species is covered in a dense, shaggy layer of "fur," which is actually made up of hair-like structures called setae

According to this article from The Guardian:

Dr. Andrew Hosie, a curator of crustacea and worms at the Western Australian Museum, said sponge crabs had hind legs that were specially adapted for holding their protective hats.

“The sponge or ascidian just keeps growing and will mould to the shape of the crab’s back,” he said. “It will never attach … it forms a nice cap that fits quite snugly to the top of the crab."

Similar to how hermit crabs use shells for protection, the sponges help Dromiidae crabs to camouflage from predators such as octopuses and other crabs.

The sponges can be bigger than the crab itself, and also provide a chemical deterrent. “Some of the compounds that these sponges are producing are very noxious,” Hosie said. “There’s not a lot of active predators that would be interested in munching through a sponge just to get to a crab.”

Sponge crabs in general come in many different shapes and sizes; L. beagle (pictured above) has a uniquely dense, shaggy coat of "fur" covering its body, but other members of the genus Lamarckdromia have a much less shaggy appearance, and there are many sponge crabs that have no layer of "fur" at all.

Some examples of the other sponge crabs within the Dromiidae family:

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I know this isn't exactly the type of arthropod that I'd normally discuss on my blog (given that it's not a moth or some other insect) but technically crustaceans are arthropods, and these ones are really weird/interesting...so I figured that I might as well just go with it.

Sources & More Info

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

Fashionable carcinization.

truth is stranger than fiction visual reference visual references Lamarckdromia beagle sponge crabs animals science Scienceblr sciblr science side of tumblr
a-book-of-creatures
xeppeli

lahore pigeons are some of the most visually appealing birds out there. like in terms of visual design. very minimalist, good contrast.

xeppeli

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tunnaa-unnaa

Too bad Lahore pigeons are a domestic breed and don’t appear in the wild at all.
Some equally balanced wild colorations include

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Pygmy Falcon

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Great Hornbill

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Wallcreeper

and

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Black-throated Loon

xeppeli

this is a good addition to this post. thank you for this birds educations

fuckingconversations

I would like to submit the following additions to the world of exceptional bird color design:

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Cedar Waxwing

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Red Crowned Crane

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Brahminy Kite

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Green Tree Swallow (I mean seriously - those are metallic teal feathers against stark white. Damn.) 

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Bali Mynah

And, last but certainly not least, the cutest fucking puffball on this planet earth:

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The Korean Crow-Tit

ohthisismuchworse

I’d also like to contribute some pretty awesome birds

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Hooded Pitta (or as like to call them little olives)

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Coua

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Mot-Mot

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The Blue Crown Pigeon (the biggest pigeon)

scoutology

good post

tiredgaymermaid

@ilovegirlsalways

lonewolf574

@candiceirae

candiceirae

I’m fond of the Golden Breasted Starling,

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the Golden Pheasant,

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and the Oriental Dwarf Kingfisher.

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thelightreturns

@izzyovercoffee

camwyn

May I present the most fabulous turkey in the world, the Ocellated Turkey?

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etchif

Might I add

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The Violet-backed starling

earhartsease

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the Himalayan Monal (in love with the moomin-looking one)

humanoidpigeon

@a-book-of-creatures

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

References you could use to make bird people characters.

ttrpg race npcs visual reference visual references animals birds truth is stranger than fiction art reference
seranavolkihars
phantasmicwinter

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Chen Fang-Yu

patentlyabsurdrpgideas

Not to be horny on main, but once upon a time I tried to design a “realistic” sexy barbarian lady. Before giving up after my research told me that there’d be no such thing, my idea was pretty much the above, but with lots of scars and war paint.

For the record, what my research told me was “Take realistic Conan the barbarian. Add boobs. This is a realistic barbarian lady now.”

chen fang-yu visual reference visual references Character Concept character idea rpg idea After dark?